very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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