I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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