I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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