you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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