Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
