guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize