whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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