Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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