I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
