And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
