Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
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You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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