Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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