he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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