he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just google imaged poop.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
