I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
