so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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