We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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