So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
