Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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