i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
