No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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