OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
