Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
