Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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