we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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