Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
