i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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