If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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