I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
