He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.