Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals