get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
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