Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.