I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
