Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
