He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
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Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?