Having a random hookup so left but love u
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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