Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
