you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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