I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
