She said her name was "party"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
