epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
