he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
