I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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