There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you would pick up someone in the library
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
