you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
