i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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