How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize