did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
