before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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