your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
