I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
