I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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