So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
