We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
