K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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