Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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