Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
