my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
