i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
