You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
