i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So much rum. So many feels.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
