Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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