Sponge bath it is.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
