Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
