How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
