i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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