no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
