Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize