broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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