Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
