Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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